Dog gets on Twitter

My mom has considered setting me up with a Twitter account, but she wisely decided she’s got too much going on already. It’s all we can do to keep this blog going.

But if I were on Twitter, here’s what I might say

Tummy upset again. Mom had to take me out 3 times last night. Mom is not amused.

Heard Mom say on phone, “Anyone want a used dog with a sensitive tummy? She’s all yours.” Hope she’s joking.

@Summer in the Downtown Dog Lounge: In case my mom isn’t joking, I’ll go home with you anytime.

Creampuff just chased Ophelia into her hiding place. Ophelia yowled. Mom covered her ears muttering, “Hope the neighbors don’t hear.”

@Cathy my owner: How come you aren’t offering the world a well-worn cat? Ophelia could be homeless.

Off to bed after sleepless night with upset tummy. Dogs are lucky. No clients, no bosses, no jobs. Just naps.

Seattle Bookstore Cats Need a Home

My mom gets into these weird fixations. On Friday she walked by a local bookstore, Twice Sold Tales, just down the street. I am never allowed in that bookstore because they have two very large cats. Apparently the owner thinks the cats would be upset if dogs came in. Since they’re cats and not too bright, they’d dash out into the street.

Now the owner is selling off the bookstore. She has two other branches, one on Capitol Hill and one in the University District. Each store has multiple cats. She has no room for the bookstore cats so that means those cats need homes.

My mom has taken up the cause. She posted a note on craigslist, tweeted all over the place and even got her journalist friend Sally Deneen in the act. Read the Craigslist ad here at http;//budurl.com/home4cats

“Those cats wouldn’t last long in a shelter cage,” she told a reporter who had been alerted by Sally. “They’re used to people and they get lots of attention.”

Hopefully with all this media hoopla, some loving owner will come forward and rescue them.  Not that I care about cats, but my mom needs a new cause…iike choosing the best possible treats for her poor misunderstood dog.

Royalty? It’s easier to be a Canine Urban Princess.

I don’t know how the Royal Family does it especially the Queen and Princess Anne. They have to wear shoes, hats and skirts.

Me?  I am a CUPPIE, a Canine Urban Princess. I don’t even own a tiara, thank goodness. Occasionally my mom ties a bandanna around my neck. I have to wear my collar and tags because Mom says she doesn’t want to pay a $75 fine. But otherwise, I get to go barefoot and naked.

When we get home I get to collapse on my bed or my favorite spot on the floor under the coffee table. Mom lets me stay there because she realizes I’m too tired to chew anything and run up a vet bill.

“Maybe the cats could use a dog fix,” she suggests with her sarcastic little smile.

No way. I won’t rise to the bait. I’d like to give that fat Ophelia a fix, but I don’t think it’s what my mom has in mind. And besides I have to think of my position. We princesses always look calm, smug and superior, even when a cat tries to steal our food.

Ah, the pressures of royalty…

My mom Cathy showed me a news story about Britain’s Prince Harry, the younger son of Princess Diana and Prince Philip.

“When princes and princesses take trips,” she said, “they are supposed to carry out works of charity. They visit people who are sick or disadvantaged. They inspire everyone who sees them. They show their flag.”

OK, mom, what’s your point? I do good things, too.

Today when we were in the dog park, I stood patiently next to people who wanted to give me a good back rub and butt scratch. Ooh, that felt good. But hey, it’s not about me. People feel good when they pat a dog. Their blood pressure drops. I am contributing to the health of our nation’s citizens.

I’m especially good to people on buses. When I’m sitting in my mom’s lap, people come over and talk to me. They rub my head. They tell my mom all about the dogs they owned years ago. Some of those people look like they haven’t had a conversation in ages.

True,. some of the conversations are a little offbeat. My mom just smiles and nods. I sit stoically and say nothing. I never bite anyone, even when they smell like tobacco or booze, which I hate. I never lick anybody. OK, I might give them a good sniff, but my mom pulls me back when I get too close.

And then there are people walking by or sitting on nearby benches, smoking or just drinking coffee. These people almost always need a dog fix. They need to give me a big hug. It’s called two-minute therapy. That’s what I do best.

Memo to Michelle Obama: Dog not crazy, just young

Michelle Obama described the First Dog as “crazy.” Apparently Bo, the Portuguese Water Dog, likes to chew on people’s feet, according to this story.

One night Bo woke the president and First Lady at 10 AM, playing with his ball. Michelle said they thought they heard a person out in the hallway, but there was Bo.

See, they didn’t listen to me. When my mom read stories of Obama’s new dog, I said they should get an adult dog, preferably a rescue mutt like me. Puppies are a nuisance. They never stop playing. I’m much more restrained. I go out with my Aunt Sara twice a week and the rest of time time I am happy to sleep on the sofa.

Then again, I’m getting on in years. “You’ll be seven in October,” my mom keeps reminding me. “That’s getting into the senior dog category.”

Don’t remind me, mom. Pretty soon you’ll be getting the senior discount when we ride the Metro bus system together.

Michelle Obama walks her dog too.

My mom woke me up from my morning nap to share the story of Bo Obama, the new White House Dog. Here’s just one story.

Apparently Michelle Obama has not been wildly successful at getting her daughters to walk Bo. So she’s up at 5:15 AM walking the dog and she’s assumed dog training duties.

I have to congratulate Michelle on stepping up. Too many parents adopt a dog and then give it away when the kids get bored.  My mom wonders if that’s what happened to me, but I’m not saying. I believe in burying the past. I only dig up things at the dog park.

Adopting a dog is a commitment for life. And that’s a good thing.  I hope Michelle Obama realizes that she’s actually getting a great deal when she walks Bo early in the morning. There’s something about getting out in the fresh air and bonding with your owner, from my point of view. And my own mom Cathy says she loves waking up and looking forward to a walk with me.

Even when I go out to the dog park with my Aunt Sara twice a week, there’s something special about my walks with my mom. That’s our bonding time, even when I pull on the leash and most of our conversation is mom yelling, “No! Down! Stop eating things!”

Michelle Obama has a lot to look forward to.

What does a Canine Urban Princess Eat?

My fans always want to know what I eat, since I have a sensitive tummy and my skin gets itchy. Unfortunately, when they ask my mom, they get more info than they bargained for.

What a Canine Urban Princess Eats
What a Canine Urban Princess Eats

My mom serves Avoderm. She orders big bags from Amazon because they’re way too heavy for her to carry.

My mom started feeding Avoderm to Tiger, the cat who left us last July. Tiger had very sensitive skin. She licked all the fur off her midsection, causing great embarrassment to my mom. People were always asking, “Why is this cat shaved?” Yep…down to the bare skin.

But my mom sounds like a commercial when she talks about what happened next. Tiger’s allergies disappeared with Avoderm. She ate that food to the end of her life…well, okay, at the end my mom kept giving her canned food in vain hope that she would eat.

Now my mom gets Feline Avoderm for Ophelia. Ophelia has long scruffy hair but she doesn’t get mats. “It’s the food,” my mom says. “I sure don’t hang around and brush her all day.”

She even reviewed this food on Amazon. Go figure. I have better things to do, like eat the food. But Cathy says, “Maybe we can help another dog or cat owner.”

Yeah, right. I’d take a second helping but alas, the vet’s got me on a strict diet. None of those yummy bacon treats. I get (you guessed it) Avoderm biscuits.

Princesses deserve to be spoiled, I say.

Princesses have to set an example, my mom says.

The hand holding the bag of food always wins.

Another shaggy dog book

This is what happens when you get adopted by an owner who reads books and haunts the library. You’re curled up on the couch, trying to get some serious shut-eye, when your mom decides to share what she’s reading.

So she reaches over and gives me a gentle pat on the back. I half-open my eyes to let her know I’m trying to be polite. We Canine Urban Princesses (CUPPIEs) never forget who we are. But really, mom, I’m trying to sleep here. After all, I’m not allowed to disturb my mom’s slumbers. Let’s be fair.

Today she was sharing a book she borrowed from the library, Rescuing Sprite. Author Mark R. Levin is an attorney who’s somehow involved in politics. (My mom isn’t overly into politics, as you probably guessed.) He wrote a totally sappy, emotional book about adopting an elderly dog named Sprite. His other dog was Pepsi. Yep. Pepsi and Sprite.

Sadly, those people didn’t get to enjoy Sprite very long. He was old when they adopted him and he started failing about a year after they took him in. They were dedicated, caring owners and that dog spent a lot of time and money at the vet.

Meanwhile, Mark Levin has problems with his own heart. He needs to work out and eat better, my mom said critically, looking at his photos.

My mom thought the author spent way too much time dealing with grief. Sure, losing a dog or cat is hard. (I know. I had to be there for Mom when Tiger left and when Ophelia got sick, even though I personally think of most cats as easily disposable). But Cathy says, “We all have to go when it’s our time. As a human, I’m more afraid of being trapped in a miserable nursing home with doctors forcing painful, useless treatment on me. I hope I can exit the earth as peacefully as Tiger did.”

Thank goodness Mark Levin’s family insisted they get another dog right away. My mom doesn’t believe in waiting, either. Too many animals need homes, she says.

True. When I go, I want Mom to adopt another dog right away. Then she’ll look back on me the way she remembers Keesha: perfect. She’ll forget all those late-night walks when my tummy does the tango. She’ll forget how I pull on her leash and chew everything that isn’t nailed down.
She’ll focus on the new dog’s faults for a change.

Of course there are exceptions. Did she have to rush out and get Ophelia? Couldn’t we wait for a cat that was..well, more like a dog?

What Dogs Think About on Memorial Day: Vetdogs

OK, I admit it. My goal for today (Monday, May 25th) is to get my mom to commit to a trip to our local dog park. She is supposed to be out and about, walking everywhere, due to her recent Close Encounter of a Medical Kind). No problem: she’s on the mend and just about back to her feisty self. She’s certainly strong enough to yell “No” every time I so much as look at a crumb on the floor.

But she just reminded me that I need to use my royal status to help others less fortunate. So she showed me this page — a heartwarming story about Vetdogs. Veterans returning from combat have all sorts of disabilities, physical and mental. And who better to help than a dog like yours truly?

Dogs are the best natural healers on the planet. My mom would be lost without me, even when she refers to me as “the nuisance” when I drag her out for a walk at odd hours.

So check out Vetdogs. And think about those brave K-9 dogs who actually serve in the military. My mom says I’d never make it, given my strong independent streak and my propensity to get spoiled rotten, whatever that means. I think I would be truly heroic in any situation…unless I got distracted by a treat.