Celebrity Apprentice: Should have got a cat (spoilers)

My mom was watching Celebrity Apprentice on hulu.com. She told me their task of the week was to make a YouTube episode for All Detergent. It was supposed to be viral and funny.

“They fired the wrong people,” Cathy told me, shaking her head at the computer. “But hey, it’s show biz! We like watching Clint and Melissa. The people they fired were…well, background. And sometimes that Boardroom is more like a Celebrity Therapy Group. Good for the ratings.”

Well, c’mon, guys. I may not be a celebrity (except on the Seattle Metro buses and in the dog park). But I could give these folks some lessons.

Team #1 made a raunchy soft porn video, where “doing the laundry” stands for…well, something I no longer do, now that I am fixed. Team #2 did something with midgets.

Midgets? Little people?

Here’s a short quiz. What stops everybody dead in their tracks? When videos get posted on yahoo, what do they feature?

A cat.

If I were making a video that’s what I’d do. We could have a cat playing with the laundry. A dog works too, but cats work with the female demographic. (I’ve been listening to my mom the copywriting strategist.) And yes, I have an ulterior motive…

If my techno-challenged mom ever gets the hang of her Flip video camera, we’ll have videos up the wazoo. Hopefully that will happen in my lifetime. I am not optimistic. My mom bribes the building manager to change her light bulbs and smoke detector batteries.

Meanwhile, if those Celebrity Apprentices want a cat who’s perfect for the leading role, we will lend them Ophelia. Ophelia looks very funny when she waddles across the room. She’s hilarious when she dives into her hiding place, one step ahead of Creampuff. (I think Creampuff lets her win.) My mom adores Ophelia and she wouldn’t give her up. But Ophelia would have a great life on the set, eating treats and sardines instead of crunchies.

Who knows? Maybe Donald Trump would adopt her. A dog can dream, right?

Oh well, back to my normal role. In my non-celebrity life, there’s always time for one more nap.

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