{"id":1679,"date":"2010-03-10T07:41:43","date_gmt":"2010-03-10T15:41:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/midlifedog.com\/?p=1679"},"modified":"2010-03-22T12:38:18","modified_gmt":"2010-03-22T20:38:18","slug":"dog-in-disgrace","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/midlifedog.com\/index.php\/a-dogs-life\/dog-in-disgrace\/","title":{"rendered":"Dog in disgrace"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Looking
Looking Small and Innocent<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

My mom figures that, if I sleep on her bed, she’ll notice when I jump off. Then she will put me in my crate for the rest of the night.<\/p>\n

Hah. I’ve become an expert stealth jumper. The Marines could hire me to sneak up on people. Or I could be a police dog, going undercover in drug dens.<\/p>\n

“In your dreams!” my mom says. “What happens when I wake up and find two hungry cats and two empty plates of food without even a crumb? And you’re off the bed, licking your chops and looking very pleased with yourself?”<\/p>\n

Circumstantial evidence, mom. You always said the justice system is too quick to convict with too few facts . You’re the one who says we should no longer criminalize normal behavior. So why am I in the dog house with no breakfast?<\/p>\n

“If you eat more food, you will get sick,” my mom said. “And that means a sleepless night for me and maybe another big vet bill. We are not taking chances.”<\/p>\n

A dog’s life iin the Goodwin household is not always an easy one.<\/p>\n

“Yeah, right,” my mom says, as if she can hear my thoughts. “You get top quality food. You get the prime spot on the sofa, which you share with Ophelia. You get a magnificent dog bed. You run in a wonderful park twice a week. What more could you want?”<\/p>\n

Well, more treats would be a good start. But I guess this isn’t the time to make new demands. It’s a good day to curl up on my cushion and look sweet, small and pathetic while I am sleeping.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My mom figures that, if I sleep on her bed, she’ll notice when I jump off. Then she will put me in my crate for the rest of the night. Hah. I’ve become an expert stealth jumper. The Marines could hire me to sneak up on people. Or I could be a police dog, going … Continue reading Dog in disgrace<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3,235,19],"tags":[181,110],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/midlifedog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1679"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/midlifedog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/midlifedog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/midlifedog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/midlifedog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1679"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/midlifedog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1679\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1691,"href":"https:\/\/midlifedog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1679\/revisions\/1691"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/midlifedog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1679"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/midlifedog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1679"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/midlifedog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1679"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}