Forget Wife Swap…Let’s do Dog Swap

My mom Cathy likes to watch Wife Swap on ABC. Actually she doesn’t watch…she multi-tasks when she has to something boring. Every show has a Super-Neat Wife and a Super-Sloppy Wife. Cathy loves seeing someone who’s a worse housekeeper than she is.

Here’s how it works. The wives swap homes. (They do get their own room in the new house: totally G-rated.) For the first week, each wife follows the home’s original rules. Then in Week 2, they try to get their new families to follow their rules. Chaos ensues. And at least one family emerges changed by the experience.

So…how about a new show: Dog Swap. I’ll swap homes with an upscale dog somewhere in a mansion on Lake Washington. Maybe for a week I could be Bill Gates’s dog. But of course I could end up with some workaholic who would be gone all day. Or a neat freak who would make me stay in a crate or even outside. Yuk.

For the first week, I’d go along with the program. I’d sleep in the crate. I’d eat the generic food. I’d give the resident cats a wide berth. And I’d chew everything in sight.

But then we’d come to my rules. I’d sleep on the bed. I’d ask for top quality food with extra treats and chewies. I’d teach thedog on sofa cats how to play some new games. And I’d offer them the deal I have with my mom: no chewing if I can sleep on the sofa.

Hey, what’s the big deal? This is how dogs operate naturally. First we go along with their rules. We wait for just the right moment. Then we announce the new rules.

We train our owners. We change their lives forever. We show them a whole new way to live.

And we don’t get a show. Has anybody talked to ABC yet? All I need is an agent. I’m a natural.

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